Feminism: Having the freedom to choose the lifestyle that we pick out for you…

So. I got bitten by the blog-bunny last night. This is an issue that is very near and dear to my heart – and I’d been waiting for an opportunity to make a post about it.

A  friend of mine sent me a link to the story about Natalie Dylan, the 22 year old San-Diego woman who is auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder.

Current bids stand at approximately $3.8 million US, which will go towards paying for Dylan’s college tuition. Apparently, her sister has already earned thousands of dollars in just a few weeks working at the Nevada Moonlight Bunny Ranch where – if the deal goes through, Dylan will be trading her V-plates in for some serious cash.

Naturally there has been an enormous response to the story (which, in itself has likely generated enough publicity to pay for a couple of college degrees…) with people from all ends of the social spectrum chipping in their two cents. Some claim that she isn’t actually a virgin which I doubt – since she has passed two polygraph lie detectors and has agreed to undergo a gynecological examination in order to confirm her virginity (as unreliable as the latter may be, I seriously doubt she’d offer herself up for such serious scrutiny if she were lying, especially with nearly $4 million at stake..). Others state that she will never shake off the stigma and be forever known as the woman that auctioned her body off to a complete stranger online.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of reading on this, and the article that piqued my interest most was this one by the Scotsman’s Emma Cowing: This little student went to market…and will cry all the way home.

According to Cowing, Dylan will forever regret her decision which will lead to her permanant loss of self-respect, as well as the reputation that will likely last just as long as her lucrative earnings. She also goes further to insinuate that Dylan’s decision is poorly-thought through and will impact upon the rest of her life.

Very valid concerns. However, as wise as Emma Cowing is to point this out, I must say I have to disagree with her.

From what I’ve read, I believe that Natalie Dylan isn’t stupid. She isn’t some dumb bint selling herself for some extra pocket money to buy sparkly jewelery or a boob job. She’s paying for her masters degree (I might add that her first degree majored in Women’s Studies – same as me!). This  money will go towards something that will help her learn, a means by which she maybetter herself and  -  eventually carve out a career. If there is something worth prostituting yourself for – that that sure as hell ranks pretty high.

While it isn’t an avenue that I would take in order to pay off my HECs debt (as unreasonably high as it will likely turn out to be) – I can’t deny that it’s a smart move. Dylan herself states ‘We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn’t I capitalise on my virginity?’

And yunno what? As much of a soapbox-dwelling, lefty punk that I may be – I agree with her. After all – I’m an exotic dancer. What I do for money isn’t the same as prostitution – but I’m still capitalising on the fact that I’m attractive and people are willing to pay money to watch me shake my booty. If you have something, work it to your advantage. And that’s exactly what she is doing.

Something that both Natalie and I have in common is that we are making money out of something that many people find taboo. When people discuss strippers or prostitutes, the big buzz words that get knocked around are ‘exploitation’ and ‘self-respect’. To that I will say this: I’m doing my job because I chose to. I enjoy it and at no point have I ever been or felt exploited. I don’t feel I can speak for every stripper that has ever been because everyone’s experiences of the exotic dance industry are different – but after two years of being a dancer I can safely say that I am definitely not alone in saying that I do what I do for the right reasons. It makes me feel good. I get paid. The club patrons get to see what they want to see (well…sort of. The trick is to always leave them gasping for more..) and we all go home happy. Bottom line is – no one gets hurt.

Prostitution – when entered into by adults with full knowledge of what they are doing and ability to consent, I believe is the same. As the great George Carlin said:  ‘Selling things is legal. Fucking is legal. Why the hell isn’t it legal to sell fucking?!’ I’ll go back again to my totemic belief that what goes on in private between two consenting adults is  no one else’s goddamned business.

Many people disagree. But hey – that’s their perogative. But what shits me off most about this particular article is the condescension. Reading Emma Cowing’s dismissive comments about the perfectly legal, considered and well-intentioned decision of a grown woman, I find her attitude to be extraordinarily close-minded, not to mention presumptuous. She has not taken the time to look at the situation objectively – nor has she considered that maybe Natalie Dylan does not share her beliefs about prostitution, and therefore may well not lose respect for herself, or hate what she sees in the mirror.

Then there was the line that had me yelling at my monitor:

Selling yourself to a stranger and renting your body out for pocket money are the actions of a woman with no respect for herself, her body or her future.

How dare you. How fucking DARE you make judgements about the decisions made by a woman that you do not know, and an occupation that you have no experience of besides your own poorly informed self-righteousness. I’m not  nor have I ever been a sex worker, but I’ve worked with plenty and have even lived with one and while I know that not every prostitute will have the same beliefs about their occupation, I can tell you that you need to get your uppity arse out of your ivory tower and realise that maybe, just maybe some people may not consider the world’s oldest profession to be shameful or an affront to their self-respect.

No. Prostitution is not a squeaky clean industry. No, not every sex worker is in it because they are enlightened or empowered people. But that does not mean that every single sex-worker in existence is  forced/coerced , drug-addicts, lacking self-respect or hard-up for ‘pocket-money’. And the sooner that people realise that, the sooner we can get off our collective high-horse and realise that sex always has and always will be a lucrative market. No matter what government schemes are in place, no matter how utopian or post-patriachal we are – Whores, call-girls, escorts, gigolos and students wanting to pay their college tuition are here to stay. Why? Because HUMANS LIKE TO FUCK and are willing to pay for it.

Only thing we can  and need to do is to get over ourselves and make sure that it is an industry that is as safe, clean and exploitation-free as possible.

Ok. Now that I’m done with that happy little tangeant  – I shall continue.

The thing that struck me most when I first read this article wasn’t her points about the risks that Dylan will be taking. It was the very first paragraph:

FIRST, a confession: I no longer have any idea what the word feminist means. Furthermore, I do not know what it means to be a feminist, whether I am one, and if so, if there’s some sort of ointment I should be using.

After berating Dylan for a few paragraphs she concludes with the following comment:

If that’s being a feminist, count me out.

Kay. First – Emma, honey -  it doesn’t make much sense  to firstly admit that you have no idea what it means to be a feminist, then proceed to pick one esoteric area that feminism concerns and then happily announce that you want no part of it. It’s a bit like stating that you know nothing about physics before jumping off a building and then declaring that Newton was a douchebag.

Secondly – (And here I’m getting to the point I’ve been dying to make since I started this blog) as far as I’m concerned, Feminism is about choice.

It’s about empowering women to make decisions for themselves, based around what they want, for their reasons. It’s about handing over the reigns and saying ‘Alright love – you’re a big girl. Your body, Your life, Your choice. You should be respected for your ability to think and act for yourself , to not be discriminated against, patronised or silenced because of your sex. Go for it! Oh – and while you’re at it, make sure that you keep an eye out for the other women that might not have the freedoms that you do.’

Unfortunately, this is apparently idealistic of me, given that my experience with many feminists has lead me to think that it isn’t about that at all. It’s about fitting into an ideology. Forgive my cynicism – but the endless arguments I’ve had with women that consider anything outside of their concept of what feminism is or should be to be ‘anti-feminist’ have regrettably made me wary of my own sisters.

You disagree that pornography encourages rape? You’re anti-feminist. You think that women should be able to be housewives if they want to be? You’re anti-feminist. You take your clothes off for money? You’re anti-feminist. You wear make-up? You’re anti-feminist. And so on. It’s maddening.

What is most depressing is that it is eerily familiar to the rhetoric used by endless religious and political organisations – ‘Agree with us and fit into our system or you are unpatriotic.’ ‘Think what we think or you’re going to hell.’ Not really the attitude that one expects from the progressive and forward thinking philosophy that I like to think feminism to be.

There’s a wonderful quote from author Margaret Atwood that might provide insight to Emma Cowing’s opening statement:

“Does feminist mean ‘large unpleasant person who’ll shout at you’ or ‘someone who believes women are human beings’? To me it’s the latter, so I sign up.”

Exactly. You know what? I’m a feminist. I’m a little annoyed that I have to clarify that that means that I’m not a scary, man-hating, bra-burning femmenazi – but I’m a feminist nonetheless. Why? Because I’m a woman that makes my own choices, and stands up for those that don’t have that amenity. I’m a woman that won’t be talked down to because I own a vagina, and reserve the right to live my life according to my own principles. I will wear make-up because I think it makes me look fucking pretty, and I’ll strap on my stilettos because then it’ll hurt more when I kick you and your laws off my body. I will fuck who I want, say what I want and god help anyone that gets in my way. Why? Because I had a choice.

~ by soverysmall on January 18, 2009.